Living up to expectations

Living up to expectations

Roughly nine months before I was to come into the world everyone in this world, close to my parents, started expecting whether I will be a BOY or a GIRL. The expectations started much before I could see the world. When I was born and the time when the news spread whether I was a boy or girl, was the first time when I was for the first time ‘rated’ by this social world. The notion prevailed that If it was a boy then it was considered as an ‘exceeded expectation’ and girl then either ‘met expectation’ or ‘below expectation’ (no offences but this has been the mindset most of us live with, this might not be prevalent in many open minded people but is still a way of life at many places in India. There are many who might not agree to it, at least one I know for sure doesn’t agree.). Right from the day one, in this world, the expectations were laid for me. I don’t know if I’m fortunate or not but if I see it through worldly eyes then I should consider myself one - being born as baby boy. Frankly, I don’t feel proud of being masculine just for this very reason but there are other great reasons I certainly feel to be proud of.

Just being a new born, I was too small to be aware of thing which the world wanted from me. I was completely ignorant until I understood the madness around me. It was strange to know what was expected out of me at that tender age, and I had to become smart to handle it. It took me time to understand the expectation so that I can decide my actions but I always had the ‘WILL’ to meet the expectations. So, from very tender age, I was expected to learn the things quickly and this world had already started rating me on their expectations. On this day, my first review was conducted and my traits on strengths and development were decided.

As I grew, higher and higher goals were set for me the every day I achieved something measurable. And, the expectations were re-written to achieve higher goals. The competition posed against me really pushed me hard to achieve higher goals which helped me enhance my intellect. It also gave rise to competition in me, due to which I had to learn other traits like sincerity, shrewdness, hard work, smart work, arrogance, politeness. I would have chosen any of these traits as I was innocent enough to understand which would be best for me. Also, my vigor to exceed the expectation could have made me choose wrong traits too. As, I was mainly surrounded by my parents, friends, teachers they helped me choose my traits. This was the first time when some of these traits were acquired by me and written on my clean soul, my mind and heart.

The trait, I chose, also depended upon the strength in my soul, heart or mind since one quality would over power other one, at times, to help me acquire ‘VALUES’ and ‘Decision Making’. As life started challenging me vivaciously, I started acquiring additional qualities like success, frustration, depression, setbacks. I started using the traits in different challenges, which life threw at me, and depending on the win or lose situation, I got more traits like success or setbacks. I leant that there was only one way to success and a set of traits engraved values in me. As I grew, I got habituated to the traits and the values to achieve the goals. The bar of expectations was always raised and this caused the increase in the use of traits either good or bad, values either good or bad which resulted into habits either good or bad.

I grew with time and there were various changes which happened to my life. Through this journey, I met many friends and loose some, I created many relations and broke some but I carried my traits and values along with me. Through my growth, there was a pattern which stuck to me and I always started reacting to a particular situation with certain set of rules. I was always told what was expected out of me but there were a few instances wherein anyone gave me an unbiased feedback to improve since everyone thought that I was a kid therefore will learn things with time.

I always wondered, if I was nurtured appropriately but I had faith in my parents, teacher, and friends and above all in myself. But whenever I used to do good and exceeded expectations, I thought it was my original work but when things went wrong I turned up to friends, parents or teachers.

This gave rise to “EGO” and I got a fall back strategy in mind or the escape route in mind. So, to satisfy myself, I started telling lie to none other than me. Well, in case, I look back from here, I say, I am experienced since I came in the world with empty hands but I have more power now. I started living in myth about myself and the world around me. This was the time when I started believing that I can always exceed the expectations the world sets for me. I always was more powerful than earlier since I always achieved more than what I desired because of the raising bar.

I passed my life achieving the worldly things and keeping myself comparing/competing with others. I grew old and this was the time wherein I was not able to put in much of efforts to exceed the expectations. I started losing on small scale and this made me depressed and agitated with myself. The more I grew the more aggravated was the pain, depression which gave rise to irritation. Finally, I was in no competitive mood in this world since I lost the vigor and the fighting spirit to exceed expectations.  At this moment, I started thinking of the day when I was born and how my life gained momentum. I started realizing what where the mistakes I committed along the road to disaster. I yelled but found no one to help me since I had dug the grave for myself. It was too late when I realized that this world has cheated me in a sense that I always tried to live up to others expectations, I now had fear and wanted to move out of this world. I realized that I could have done much better and prayed that I should be given another chance to do better next time.

But, life is very shrewd which gives only one chance and if you are lucky to get another chance you will commit the same mistakes since the slate will be clean again.

The thing, I want to stress is to realize what you expect from your life than live up to others expectation. We spend the whole life fulfilling others expectations but hardly make an attempt to learn about our aspirations and expectations.  Also, I feel if I would have been nurtured in a different way wherein I got an unbiased feedback all the times, when I met or exceeded expectations, today would have been much different for me.

Since, we are bond with emotions it’s really difficult to pass on hard messages by nears and dears since everyone fears how will I react to certain feedback. This is where emotional intelligence plays a vital role in life. In order to learn from the mistakes, which we have committed throughout our life, let’s not waste the learnings. Today is a good start wherein we can make sure that whomsoever, we meet, we will give an unbiased feedback which might hurt him at that moment but when s/he realizes there would be a vote of thanks to you. Let’s spread the light to make sure that we understand what our expectations are and we start giving them the care and importance they deserve.

After so many achievements it still makes me think if I ever have lived up to expectations – yours and/or mine?